All I Can Do Is Laugh

At this point, laughter is still the best medicine. I contacted a friend of mine a week or so ago and she got back to me telling me she would love to get together sometime. I told her where I am almost every Saturday moring, she's more than welcome to join me ( she's familiar with the place). We haven't seen each other in awhile and her presence and encouragement would be great. She got back to me and said, 'and maybe ____ could come to, I miss you both'. No, no no. People don't you get it? Ok, so it would be nice if it was the three of us but in my state of mind and heart at this point, that was just another blow. I'm not good enough to mingle with on my own. Oh yeah, I hear you, I know that's not the truth, but it sure feels like it. I choose to laugh though, makes it easier. LOL

What's Wrong With Me?

It's happened yet again. I wondered why I hadn't heard from someone I know since January. We made plans to go see a movie some time, or grab a bite to eat. I called a few times, e-mailed a few times and got nothing in return. Just heard from her, she's been dating a great guy blah blah blah.

What gives??? So you're dating a great guy, have you lost the ability to dial a phone or type a quick email? What ever happened to manners? Don't they know I'M supposed to be dating someone great too?

I really sometimes think something is wrong with me.

Thursday Ramblings

After a day of rain and a night of storms, it's a beautiful crisp morning. I set here at CJ's listening to a group of women talk and laugh. Though I love being alone, I secretly wish the people I knew weren't so busy with their lives and could join me now and then. I get tired of the "to busy" excuses and remember what my mom used to say, "we've all got the same amount of time in a day, what are you doing with yours". I really don't want to be back in my shell. But a person just gets to the point where she stops caring about stuff.

I came down here to watch the latest Kim Clement and it wont load!!! Ugh! Guess I'll just have to come back on Saturday morning, or tomorrow. Got a free coffee coming. Woohoo!

Not So Captivating

Who am I kidding, my life is not captivating. Has it ever been? Last night as I was falling asleep I confessed to my cat who was laying on me that I don't seem to matter to anyone. My sister calls every day and totally has hardly anything to say on the phone. That's about it. My other sister wouldn't call for anything. She sleeps till almost noon and doesn't go anywhere for some excuse or another. If it weren't for Debbi and the kids, the only contact with humans I would have would be the checkout people at the stores. I have tried, especially in the last year, to get together with people now and then. We set up a date and then something comes up or they change their mind. I am questioning my significance in this world. I know who I am in Christ, but sometimes it would just be nice to have a human to relate to. You know what I mean.

It has been a year since the fallout of my former friend. I continue to see her at church with her new friend, holding hands, smooching, doing things together. I don't care what people say, it still hurts. You can forgive, but you never forget.

Tired of wallowing in any self pity, I try and move forward. I try and get involved in other things, but nothing seems to be working. I know it's hard to get to know me because I'm so quiet, I appear to be standoffish. Just remember, appearances are deceiving.

Enough for now

Last Night

Last night as I dined out alone, I was listening to a woman have a conversation with two young teenage girls. I couldn't tell if she was the mother or not but I heard her say to one of them, "you haven't made out with him yet"? I think my mouth dropped open a bit. I so wanted to say something to her. Or maybe I should have said something to the girl?

I am blessed to be single.