A Nice Story

I had to run to Walgreens earlier, the only place in town that is open. I needed marshmallows. There was an older lady in the same aisle looking for flour and we got to talking. They didn't have the flour she needed but another lady heard her plight and said, "I am getting ready to move and have all sorts of stuff I will just have to throw away, follow me home and I'll give you the flour". When I left, all sorts of people were in on the conversation and getting directions to the ladies house. Walgreens at that moment was the cheeriest place on earth. People visiting, laughing, spreading good will. Now why can't that happen all year long? Next time you are out and about, do something nice for someone you don't know. Be a blessing to someone. Merry Christmas!

Yesterday's Escapade

Take note....it is not my desire to offend anyone by what I'm about to say, if I do....build a bridge and get over it. :-) Yesterday at around two in the afternoon I felt the asthma rearing it's ugly head. I have felt yucky for the past few days, sinus pain and pressure. And I of all people know how it goes when I get to feeling like that. I rebuked it several times and told it that I refused to get sick. After all I am celebrating ten years since that nasty coma episode and I'm not going back there again! I digress....yesterday at around two I felt it. And I decided I needed to go to an 'urgent care'. It was 4:47 when I checked in. You never know what doctor you are going to see when you go to an 'urgent care' facility. My prayer was that I would get one who would just give me what I needed and send me on my way. I've been through this so many times I know what works and what doesn't. My other prayer is that I get one that I can understand. I sometimes wonder if I can't understand him/her, how can they understand me. Very seldom do you come across an American doctor these days. Good, yes he wasn't American but that earring he wore made me understand him better. And my prayer was answered.......he pretty much asked me what I did when I got like this, I told him what meds I needed and that's what he gave me. No questions asked. Cool! Fax my meds over to the pharmacy right across the street here and I'll be on my way!

An hour an a half later............nice, understandable earring wearing doctor faxed my prescriptions to the pharmacy in ANOTHER TOWN!! I miss the days when they scribbled something on a piece of paper and you went to the pharmacy and gave it to someone to read.

I felt worse from exhaustion when I got home than I did when I went to see the doctor.

I'm sure it was just a mistake on his part because I sat right there when he faxed them, he just clicked on the wrong thing.

But I'm sure Dr. House would never do such a thing! Or would he? ;-) Today because of what med I'm on, I have enough energy to finish your Christmas shopping, baking and wrapping with one hand tide around my back, to bad I have my own to do!!

Torn

Almost two years ago my best friend did something she shouldn't have done and it broke apart our 20 year friendship. Words were said, good and bad. Apologies were made. It is now small talk, "hi, hello, how are you" type thing. But each time a little more conversation takes place. Yesterday was a bit different though. I had just put a note in her New Years Card that I will be sending next week. I stated the fact that it would be nice if we could maybe go beyond the idle "hello's" and that I was willing to do so if she felt the same. Yesterday at church I opened the Christmas card from her in which she wrote, "if you would like to talk, give me a call sometime." Then on the Elijah List I read a good article from a respected person about how in 2010 broken friendships will be mended. I say I am willing to do so. But am I? Sometimes when I think about it all my heart still hurts. Yesterday in church the kids sang "Away In A Manger" and my friend and I have a hilarious story that goes with us teaching our day care kids that song MANY years ago. As they were singing it, I looked at her and she looked at me and we both smiled over the memory. I started to cry and had to look away.

So, that's where I'm at right now. Pondering. Praying. Wondering and waiting.

Merry Christmas!

For the girls......

It's Sunday morning and I took the day off from church to go to Starbucks with God instead. I'm sitting here contemplating many things. Things that have brought a smile to my face and put a lump in my throat. I'm reflecting on some of the past year with wonder and amazement on how it has changed me. And how through some of my sadness and heartbreak I have come out on top, been shown blessings and high favor from my heavenly Dad. He is the one I run to, the one whose lap I set upon, whose eyes I gaze into when I have something on my mind or in my heart.

I watch him smile as He knows all about me. I watch his mouth as the words of love and encouragement come forth, just for me. I never ask "why", though I know I could if I wanted to. I only ask "what". And through my tears because I'm such an emotional person, I listen to Him answer my "what".

"You, my dear are such a beautiful woman. And why not, I after all, created you. And I know what I'm doing when I create. I know you've heard it before and you know it to be true. But just let me remind you that I so very much adore you. And I know exactly what you want most in life. They are noble desires. The kind only I can give. Keep seeking me, Keep that hope alive and watch what I can do. Watch what I will do."

I have great expectations from my God. He has promised us all great things. Through whatever tears and heartache we may experience, He has promised great things. And this coming year we are going to see great things in our lives.

We are highly favored women of God and blessings are going to follow us wherever we go.

Merry Christmas!

Jenny

A Note

It has been a good year. One full of so many blessings I lost count of them! The highlight of my year was seeing Beth Moore in person back in November and how greatly that impacted my life and my heart. I have truly enjoyed my Beth Moore Bible studies that I have been participating in at a church that is not my own. I highly recommend getting involved with people you don't know! If not for your sake, then for theirs!

I pray that everyone has a blessed Christmas and joyful New Year! May we all remember what it's really about, the birth of our Saviour! It's ok with Him if we give presents, bake cookies and hang all sorts of pretty lights. Just so we know in our heart what it's all about.

Merry Christmas!!

Cell Phone Blues

So.....at eight thirty this morning I was searching my purse and house for my cell phone. I used the home phone to call it so I could hear it ring. Didn't happen. So, I put on my big cozy housecoat over my pj's, slipped on my winter shoes and went outside to search the van. Even took the house phone with me to call the cell, again it didn't happen. I accidentally hit the panic button on the van and probably woke up the rest of the neighbors. Came in the house and decided I would have to call each place I went yesterday when I remembered I actually took my car out to fill up the gas tank. I treaded out in the light snow again hoping no one saw the dreaded 'bed head' of hair, being in the pj's didn't bother me. I opened my car door, used the house phone to dial the cell and I heard it ring. Yipppeee! So nice to start the day out in such a fun way! Things could be worse, we could have that six inches of snow they say is coming!

The Dressing Saga

I'm sure you are all wondering about my Thanksgiving dressing and how it turned out. I must say.....mom would have been proud. It looked just like how hers looked and better still, it tasted like hers! It was said that it could have used a bit more sage, but other than that it all got eaten and was highly praised! Wooohooo. My culinary skills are now perfect! LOL. It was a quiet Thanksgiving, just the two of us....ok, three counting the cat. We ate, we went to a couple of craft stores, and watched a Jane Austen movie. That's about it. Now that I have mastered my mother's dressing, I can make it any time I want! That's something to be thankful for!

The Bird

Ok, I know we are supposed to not say bad things about the person behind the counter, after all they may be having a tough time, but still........back in the day when I worked at Walmart ( way way back ) I ......well never mind, it might lead to complaining. :-) Our Thanksgiving meat will be on the table via rotisserie chicken from Walmart. Mmmmm. Seriously, we love them. I went out to get one today and of course, they don't have the kind we like. So I had to get two little ones. TWO?? Gotta have leftovers. I have to say I am getting suggestions from all over on how to make the dressing. I've found a recipe online that is exactly what we want. Sounds easy enough. But I'm still getting 'suggestions'. "You need this, you have to do that, you need two cans of broth" Etc. Etc. Etc. I can very vividly see my mom standing over the oven making the dressing. I mean VIVIDLY. Her tired and aching body stirring the bread and having dad taste test it to see if there is enough sage in it. She mixed the dressing in the roasting pan, I don't recall her using a whole stick of butter, but that is what people tell me I have to do. Vividly, I see her still. In the kitchen. Tired and overworked. Today I know how she felt.

To Be Continued

Well the decision has been made, I am going to cook for Thanksgiving. For the second time in my life I am going to attempt to make dressing like mom used to make. The first time I tried, it didn't turn out all that great. But I live with great Hope for everything else, might as well have some for this endeavor! I don't think mom ever had a recipe for her dressing. Not sure where she came up with it, but it always tasted good. I will let my Blog readers know how it turned out....it will finally be something 'captivating' for you to read! I'm sure that within the next few days I will have some escapades to share with you. One of them being where the bird came from.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever

Faces

I really do enjoy my own church. I am part of a family there. But sometimes, just like with any other family, you have to see some new faces from time to time. Last year I discovered this church in a little town from here that has a really nice women's ministry. They do a weekly Bible study during the day. DURING THE DAY!!! And so close to home! I made a few phone calls and invited myself to their study and I am so glad I did. Last year we studied the book of Daniel. Today we just finished the book of Esther. Even though I don't attend their church I felt at ease and welcomed. And boy, can they put on a luncheon!! I highly recommend finding some new people to get involved with. Do something new and out of the ordinary and become a better person for it. If you are one of those that likes your little comfort zone and feels satisfied with what you have or don't have......look what became of me when I stepped out of the boat!!

Frustrated....and yet...

I have been trying for nearly two hours to get on the Internet, both at home and at CJ's. What is wrong??? I can get into my favorites but that's about it, can't even check my e-mail. I don't like bringing my laptop with me when I'm working on my Bible study, it's to distracting. But I did so anyway this morning. I did have something interesting happen to me this morning. As I was sitting here with my Esther study book, some young ( younger than me ) woman came up to me and said, "is that by any chance a Beth Moore book?" I smiled and said, "yes" and she said, "is it by any chance Esther?" She got so excited. We started talking, she was also at the Beth Moore conference this past weekend! We were both giggling while we were talking about it and other people were looking at us. She was telling me that her church here in Pekin has a Tuesday night study and they will be doing Beth's new study on Revelation probably starting in February!! I asked her if they encourage women outside their church to attend and she said, "oh yes most definitely"!!! I am so excited, I will be calling her for more information in a few weeks and just look, I now have yet another opportunity to study the word of God and be in the presence of women I don't know!!!! God is really up to something!

What a girl goes through

It certainly is interesting what a woman goes through to go away overnight. It's Monday, I leave on Friday and I am almost all packed and ready to go. However, there are things to do to prepare for the trip each day prior to leaving. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Ok, I want to wear a particular shirt on the night of the conference, but it's only Monday, what if I want to wear it before Friday night? Then by at least Thursday I will have to wash it. I can't pack my toothbrush yet because I have to use it and I don't want to spend money on a travel sized one just for an overnight stay. Overnight....that means I will need at least three shirts and two pairs of pants. Really! I can't just go with the clothes on my back, what if I spill something on them? And what if I get up the next morning and I don't feel like wearing those particular jeans, my mood might be for something entirely different! I know guys can just throw this and that in a bag and go. But us girls have social calendars they have to check before they even think about packing the deodorant. What's even more interesting is spending the night in a motel room with women you don't know. Do they snore? Do they wear face cream to bed? Do they mind if I run a little fan just for a bit of noise? How hot do they have to have it in the room, I need to know whether I wear my pj's or my t-shirt to bed. There is just so much to consider?

Anyone know what I'm talking about? :-)

What Is That Thing In The Sky?

Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name.... So you can probably guess where I am if you know me at all. I am so excited today, the sun is shining! After many, many bleak and dreary days of rain and wind and just plain ickiness, the sky is blue and the sun is shining! Granted it's not quite as warm as I would like it to be, but that's ok I suppose. I'm not really sure what the day will bring but upon coming here this morning I asked the Lord to make me a light to shine on this normally dark day....Halloween that is. Halloween, it's yet another controversial subject these days, what isn't? You should see some of the houses here where I live, one in particular. The decorations must have cost more than a house payment these days. And I wonder what I would have done with all that money if it was given to me. Decorate my home to promote death and gore, or give it to a local food pantry or a family that really needs some help.? Oh well, the sun is shining and tonight is the October Extravaganza at Trinity Church in Morton! I'd love to win that Grand Prize!

Today's Mishap

Ok folks, have you ever dropped an egg on to the floor? It's a horrible mess to clean up isn't it? Well let's go a messier step further. I'm carrying in a Dollar General sack with a bottle of laundry detergent and two packages of paper plates in it. First of all, would businesses please teach their employees how to sack things properly?? So as not to digress, I'll move on.
I have my hands full of countless other things, including the Dollar General bag. I walk into my house and sit the infamous yellow bag in the chair, it immediately falls to the floor. I walk away to unload the rest of my belongings elsewhere and come back to the legendary afore mentioned yellow bag that lay on my linoleum floor under my desk. As I bend to pick it up I notice a very large pool of detergent spreading like wildfire.
My first words were mumbled under my breath and to myself and should not be repeated because I am after all a highly favored woman of God. What came out of my mouth was, "oh man"! The person that I live with knows me pretty well and decided to just stay out of my way while I cleaned it up, which I might add took about 45 minutes to do. I did manage to ask rather impatiently if the said person could find me a mop and some towels.....like maybe RIGHT NOW.
I went through countless towels, a full roll of paper towels and several uses of the mop and bucket. And it took about 45 minutes. A five dollar bottle of soap down the drain, literally.
After the mess was cleared up I went to the store for some paper towels and a much needed snack. I'm sure I'll laugh about it soon enough. For now, that's my soap opera for the day, no pun intended.

Last Night

I'm getting kind of used to this going and doing things by myself. Last night I went to the Pekin Library to hear author Michael Perry speak and sign books. It was great. I sat down, pretty soon some people sat next to me and we started a conversation. There were close to a hundred people there along with the press. I really enjoyed listening to him speak and read from his books, and tell some stories. I laughed out loud many times and was very moved when he read the prologue from his new book, "Coop". I have been socially active quite a bit these last few weeks and I've been doing most of it alone. I am really enjoying it. Yes, sometimes it would be nice if someone joined me but that doesn't seem to be happening for one reason or another, which is ok. This alone time might just be what I'm supposed to be into at the moment. Who knows what might come of it. I've spent lots of time over the past couple of years asking people to meet for coffee, or meet at a movie etc. and no one ever took me up on the offer. They were/are usually to busy to spare a few minutes on me so I stopped asking and started doing without them. It opens up many new possibilities. However I wont pass up the chance to actually go out and do something with someone if the opportunity arises. My prayer is that God would continue to open up opportunites!

Come On Get Happy....

Hello world there's a song that we're signing, come on get happy. ( I can see David Cassidy singing that song now ) . One of my favorite quotes is by Abe Lincoln, "most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." So.............

Are you happy? Are situations around you bleak and looking bleaker? ( not sure if bleaker is a word but it sounds fun so I'll use it )

Why aren't you happy? Because this person did something and that person didn't do something? Because there's to much debt? Because the job stinks? What is on your list of excuses?

Here are a few things that make me happy. Sunshine, rain, cloudy days, lazy days, shopping with my sisters, going to bookstores, reading, writing, not arithmetic, putting on aprons, looking at postcards, studying the word of God, kids in general, my cat, other cats, watching people, eavesdropping on conversations, going to my favorite cafe, being single, being loved by God, going out to eat, going to movies.

Here are a few of my situations, I barely have an income at the moment, my house needs repaires, my yard needs attention, I might soon need a new car, I lost my best friend to a man, my health is not perfect yet.

And yet, I'm full of joy and happiness because I choose to not let life get the better of me.

So what would make you happy? What does make you happy?

Once and For All

Let's just settle this once and for all, God is good! I love to listen to Joel Osteen and something he said the other night made me excited in my spirit. So the next morning I put it to use. Joel said that we should get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say "good morning you sweet, favored woman of God, blessings, get ready to follow me all day long". So that's what I did. Sunday morning I posted that on my Facebook page and took it to heart. ( that's the key, I took it to heart ). I am not going to live my life thinking, "Oh one day God will decide to bless me, one day I'll be happy, one day I'll see my dreams come to pass". Oh no, that day is today. And that's not just me saying that, that's the promise made to me in the Bible. So anyway, I posted that statement on my Facebook page and went about my morning. I sat down in my chair at church shortly after worship and put my arm around my little girl and someone put a check in my hand. I didn't look at it right away but said thank you to the person and put it in my purse. I knew what it was, and I knew why I was getting it. And I just started to cry because that was a blessing that followed me just as I told it to! Through out the day I was perky. We took the kids to lunch with us and had a nice afternoon. I came home and didn't even feel the need for that typical Sunday afternoon nap. Something was definitely different about the whole day. Life is just very exciting and very interesting these days. You can always tell when God is up to something.

Taking the Plunge!

Saturday mornings I'm usually at CJ's by sevenish. This morning I was running a little behind. The toilet decided not to flush properly and my cat had taken up residence on laptop bag. In my heart I was more concerned about taking away her safe napping spot than I was the toilet not flushing. But with the hair towel wrapped around my head and wearing my bright green sweatpants and my nightshirt over them, I stood and plunged the daylights out of the throne. Flush, plunge plunge plunge....wait. Flush, plunge, plunge, plunge....GO DOWN YOU STINKING THING!! Ok, be that way, I'll just do my hair and put on my makeup while you decide what you want to do. Meanwhile the sister paces. "Did it go down yet"? "Go take a look and tell me what you think" I reply under my breath. So I sat down on the couch to reflect on how blessed we were to get that toilet a few years ago, free!! Brand new and free! So I thanked the Lord for it, and took authority over it and told it that it needed to just listen to me in the name of Jesus and go down where it needs to be! I got up a minute or two later, went in, flushed, plunged, plunged......and down it went! If I can command a toilet to flush in the name of Jesus, just think of what else I can do!! Thank God for moments like these when you can trust Him to do the little things and not just the big ones!

Friday Night Reminiscing

I have a frozen pizza in the oven, hopefully it will warm up the house a bit. I was just writing in my journal a bit ago and I got to thinking about how ever since I got on the national "do not call" list, my phone hardly ever rings anymore. Friends don't call much either. Is that true for you too? I remember just a few years ago I used to sit and talk on the phone with friends for sometimes an hour or more. People are busy. I once called someone I knew and asked, "are you busy"? She said yes she was and we never talked again. I guess the Internet is to blame for some of it. E-mail is nice, but human contact is even better. I ran across a quote today that goes, "Let's face it, you will always be busy forever, so don't allow your friends to be at the bottom of your 'to do' list".

Have I Totally Forgiven?

Have you ever listened to your pastor's message knowing full well he wrote it with you in mind? Over the past few weeks my pastor has been talking about forgiveness and this past Sunday he touched on a few points on how to know if you have totally forgiven. The points being:

How to know you have totally forgiven.
1.You don’t think about it anymore.
2.You don’t talk about it with anyone.
3.You will feel God’s heart for them.
4.You will pray for God to bless them.
5.You will no longer respond with anger and rage when you think about them.

I am ok with 3-5. But #1 I still have a problem with. I have heard it both ways, it's easy to forgive but you never forget. But wait, Jesus forgave us our sins and remembers them no more. That's what we are to do. How can I forget when I see the person every Sunday morning? I'm good to go through out the week but on Sunday's it all comes back to me.

Maybe it's not so much WHAT happened, but more the sadness of what has transpired from it all.

I wont discuss it with anyone anymore. It's old news anyway. But I guess the only one that can answer my question is God himself.

I remember years ago another good friend of mine did something behind my back ( am I a magnet for this behavior? ) that concerned another friend of mine. The difference was she owned up to it right away and made things right between us and a few years down the road we were able to laugh about it.

I think I have totally forgiven because I see in me the work God has done because of it all and I choose to cling to that instead of the negative. I think it's ok to remember so that I don't forget what the Lord has done.

A Foggy Day Question

I woke up in the middle of the night and looked outside, the fog was so thick I could barely see anything. I usually get up early on Saturday mornings and head to CJ's. That's where I am now. Vanilla Hazelnut is the flavor of coffee for today. Hazelnut is my favorite!
I was wondering, what is your favorite thing about Fall? What is your favorite color of leaf? Do you buy pretty mums to put around your house only to watch them wilt and die in the rain like mine usually do? I have resorted to buying artificial fall flowers now, they are just as pretty and they don't die!

And the retail clerk said.........

The cashier at Walmart asked me how I was and I responded, "I'm doing good, how are you"? and she responded, "I am blessed". I smiled and said I was glad to hear that, then I wished I had said it first! LOL. What a refreshing response to hear from someone! I could tell she meant it. Perhaps her life was in turmoil, maybe she was tired, maybe she was stressed, maybe she hated her job, still she chose to state the facts with a smile on her face. Something we all need to do more often.

The Saga Continues Part 2

As I sit here eating an early lunch I just can't help thinking about how good God is. Last night as I was laying on the couch I was asking the Lord to find a hotel room for me for the conference. Someone I don't even know is in charge of it all and since I'm sort of a late comer with my desire to go with this group of women, I was a little nervous relying on someone else to finalize the details. So as I lay on the couch I decided to continue to trust the Lord in all of this. It was eleven p.m. and I couldn't relax so I got up and checked my e-mail. There waiting for me was a confirmation message that I had a room and would be sharing it with my friend and her mom! I can't begin to tell you how much I am looking forward to this conference. I love being around women I don't know, who knows, maybe my new best friend is in this group of women!? Maybe I will meet someone new at the conference! The possibilities are endless when God is in the midst! I quoted something Joel Osteen said the other day, 'act like it's a done deal' and so I drug out my overnight bag and my overnight cosmetic stuff and began to get it organized, after all November 6th will be here before you know it! When God puts something in your heart, act like it's a done deal even though details aren't finalized yet, what God starts, He always finishes!

Supernatural Saga Continues!

First of all I have to say how it amazes me that as Christians we are supposed to live a debt free life but when you want to go to a Christian event or buy from a Christian website, a credit card is needed. I have never owned a credit card and probably never will. But where there is God, there is a way.

I have had someone tell me they will buy my ticket to go see Beth Moore in November! It's funny, it's not something this person can really afford to do but it's kind of one of those sowing things. :-)

So I called to get some information on sending in payment and was told there are only 3% of tickets left for that event and my payment might not arrive in time. Scare tactic? I hope not. I'm sure the Lord has a ticket with my name on it.

The saga continues because I will need a hotel room too.

Supernatural

I really don't want to scrimp and scrape and dig out something to sell on Ebay or sit in the front yard with a 'for sale' sign on it. I want and expect the money to go see Beth Moore in Springfield to come supernaturally from God, the one who owns all the treasures and has the exact change!

My thought for the day.

Dangerous!

Last winter I discovered a church in Tremont that was offering daytime Bible studies for women. I jumped at the chance and had my first Beth Moore Bible study adventure. When I heard the church was going to do her new study on Esther, I got really excited! Last week when I was talking to someone from the church about the study, I got goosebumps. Esther is just about every Christian woman's favorite woman in the Bible. It's a very intriguing story, one I learned from Veggie Tales! :-) Did you know God is not even mentioned in the book of Esther? Interesting eh?
Going to this study at a different church is something that I so desperately need. Do you ever get to the point in your own church and it's cliques ( yes, sadly churches have cliques) where if you see or talk to the same person one more time you are going to scream? Or, the opposite, if you don't connect with one person pretty soon you are going to pull your hair out! That's pretty much where I have been for several years actually. I'm a little bit in each category.
If you don't know who Beth Moore is, look her up on the Internet. I still have goosebumps talking about this particular study. The official title is, "Esther, It's Tough Being a Woman"
Beth is funny, genuine and a wonderful teacher on history. Did you know that as women we can scream and get mad at the people we love.......but then on the same day we can cry over someone on the television? That's me. Believe it or not.
As I was watching today's hour long video introduction I laughed, I agreed and I got chills, goosebumps and tears over her statement of when this is all over we women are going to be Dangerous Women of God. That is what this meek and quiet woman wants. I'm going to discover and take my destiny when this is all over!
I'm fired up and ready to write!

Wednesday Happenings

"Your future is not determined by your past. But holding on to the past will keep you from moving forward"

This is a direct quote from Joel Osteen. It was Today's Word from him and was in my mailbox this morning. I got to thinking, "have I been holding on to the past?" Have I been dwelling to much on what took place over a year ago? Or has it been on my heart and mind so much in a God way? Either way I believe the words to be true. Not to long ago I finally confessed to the Lord that I had had enough of all these feelings and emotions I have over the episode that happened nearly 15 months ago. And once I really told the Lord I was through and that He could have control over the situation and my feelings, things started to happen.

Sometimes God is silent for our benefit. We just have to be willing to listen to Him in the silence. Isn't that a profound statement! :-) I'm at the stage where I'm getting goosebumps when things happen. I have once again accepted the position of Nursery Coordinator at my church. A thankless job at times but this morning when I got up and was thinking about it, I was impressed upon the fact that I'm supposed to change the fact that it is sometimes thankless. It doesn't have to be. So I move forward with that aspect of things. I was supposed to go to a luncheon yesterday with the Bloomington Christian Women's group.....I was kind of excited about that but it had to be cancelled due to someones illness. That was ok, the fact that the opportunity was there was a goosebump moment. I'm still very excited about the Beth Moore Bible study starting next week. I feel God is going to use the knowledge I gain from it in a big way! I may even be joining a Pekin Writer's Group. Who knows what will come from that!

Let go and let God. Very simple. Sometimes hard to do. But ohhhhh the benefits we reap!

A Really Captivating Message!

It was a quiet week in the life of this single gal. Nothing traumatic, nothing earth shattering. I went out one day this week and got the kids off to school. One of them wanted me to make my 'delicious and famous' french toast but upon opening the refrigerator door we discovered there were no eggs! Oh no, maybe that is a traumatic episode! Thankfully there was cinnamon toast for a backup. I went to the laundromat yesterday to wash blankets and bedding to get ready for the upcoming cool weather. Woohooo.....captivating! In a couple of weeks I start a Beth Moore Bible study at a church in Tremont. I went there last year and did a Beth Moore study on Daniel. I have heard some amazing testimonies from others about this new study on Esther. I am so excited! I will be learning, growing, getting wiser and best of all will be among women I don't know and might get to know! Granted 90% of them are all married with children, but that's ok. Sometimes it gets rough in my own church where all the young married couples hang with the other young married couples. All the old married couples hang with .....well you get the idea. If they only knew how totally captivating I really am they would be busting down my door to get to know me better! Ok, I think I'm digressing......I'm at my favorite spot, CJ's, got here at seven. Will listen to Kim Clement before I go home, then it's off to Lincoln land for some serious thrift shopping!

What I've Learned This Week

Some of the things I've learned this week are: it's a privilege and honor to have so much alone time. Do you know how much praying you can get done when you don't have people bothering you so much? :-) My sister-in-law came out of her foot surgery with flying colors. She thought she would have to be in the hospital for 3-4 days and was worried she would have to have a procedure done that would be rather nasty. Instead she came home the very next day and did not have to have the nasty procedure done after all! Maybe the road ahead wont be so long after all I mean look at the prayer that God has already answered concerning that!

Another lifelong family friend has been in the hospital for about 2 months with aspirated pneumonia. She comes home on Tuesday!! And it is again a privilege and honor to go to her house in the next few days and get it in shape for her to come home to. Yes she has a husband but you know how men are with cleaning. :-) She and her husband helped me out when I came home from my long hospital stay all those years ago. The amazing thing is that when she came out of her 2 week coma, she was moving around and even using a pen to write. Me, I couldn't even open my eyes after an 8 day coma! But God worked in both situations in His own way to benefit us.

Another thing I've learned this week, you shouldn't eat chocolate covered peanuts for breakfast.

Alone Time

Most people at some point in their lives have felt alone. By some circumstance we have been made to feel insignificant, usually by the actions of another. The past fifteen months have been rather trying for me emotional wise. The roller coaster of life has taken me up and down, though not all the way up and not all the way down!


If you have gone way back and read any of my blog you might know what I'm talking about. A certain situation in my life, deemed silly by some and unimportant by others, was real to me and caused pain.


Through it all I have done the right thing. Doesn't matter what the right thing is, just know that I have been doing it. Also know that it has been one sided. The other party hasn't been doing what is right.

I've also been trying to find new people to connect with, but every time I look around those people are slobbering all over someone else.


It's been a rather difficult year. It can be tough being a single, childless person. But I digress.

Years ago I took down some notes from a wonderful book by Charles Swindoll, "David, A Man of Passion and Destiny." Not remembering that I had taken these notes, I got out a file box the other night and started to go through some of it and there were the notes. The very first thing I read brought tears to my eyes.

"One of God's methods of training His servants is SOLITUDE. David needed to learn life's major lessons all alone before he could be trusted with responsibilities"

With a few exceptions I have been living a life of solitude for the past 15 months. I apologized to God for not putting my time of solitude to better use and have asked Him to help build my character through all of this.

It's funny though, I'm a person that enjoys being alone. I don't feel lonely though. How can I when I know the Holy Spirit is with me wherever I go?

My Day by Shmoopie T.

Hi, it's me, Shmoopie. I thought I would hop on this thing and share a bit about myself. My official name is Miss Marple, but no one ever calls me that except those poor people at the vet's office. I'm 12 years old and yes, I'm slowing down a bit. I like to eat and sleep most of the time now. I do get up and wonder around the house, lay in the bathroom window when it's sunny out or when there is action out in the back yard to view. I have to laugh. For years every time my mom tried to get me into the carrier to go for my shots, it was a horrible situation for her. She would try and try and try and there were always tears and crying from both of us. She would have to cancel the appointment because I wouldn't cooperate. Cooperate?? I'm a cat, what's up with that?

Well, guess where I have been spending most of my days and nights now these past couple of weeks? Yep, in the carrier. She put carpet in there the last time I was supposed to go for my shot and catnip on the carpet got me in there faster than anything! So after all these years of the trouble I caused her, I am now WILLINGLY sleeping in my little carrier here on the porch. Of course she sits right next to me when shes on her computer. I'm a good cat, but I do kind of like teasing her with this.

Sometimes when she goes outside I get jealous because I know she's sitting with that outdoor cat, Marco. Marco seems to be rather nice. He knows he is well taken care of. She even fixed him up a little 'hut' for when the weather is bad and the winters get cold. His owners gave up on him, said he was always getting out of the house. If I were Marco I wouldn't want to be in a house with three kids, several adults and two pit bulls, would you? Marco is much safer hanging out here. He gets fed well and is a good protector of his turf. I know my mom wishes she could let him in the house but most likely I would not tolerate it.

Well I just wanted to introduce myself to those of you who don't know me. Mom is going to the big city later on to visit her favorite place, the bookstore. I'm sure I'll just be lazy and enjoy the peace and quiet. I'm much like her in that aspect.

Best Meows,
Shmoopie

Have You Ever? Part 2 and another little thing.

I believe there is a difference between allowing and giving. God lets us go through trials and junk so that we are brought closer to Him ( hopefully). But I don't believe and never will and never have, that He gives us diseases and other crap in life. :-) A loving God, which He is, would never give something that would cause us harm. On a lighter note.......

Today I called a relative of mine an idiot because he is always 'harassing' his sister about there not being a God and I know he just does it to get her worked up. About five minutes later I regretted calling him an idiot and worried that it might get back to his mother, my sister in law. Then I thought, wait, we're all grown up adults here, I'm only calling it like I see it. ( like it is, but I digress ).

I watch to much "House"! Why do people do that to other people? Why do they insist on being jerks? Because....well I'll just keep my mouth shut. As mother used to say, "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all". My mom would really let her kids have it if she knew how they ..........well, again, my mouth is shut!

Have You Ever?

Have you ever wondered why you are going through tough times? Have you ever said, "why did you do this to me God"? Well actually, God had nothing to do with giving you a disease or any other bad thing. How do I know? Because the Bible tells me so! In James 1:17 we are told that "every good and perfect gift" comes from God. Disease is not good nor is it perfect, therefore it is not from God. Very simple. We just make it harder than it has to be.

The Bible also tells us that when we are in the middle of these bad things, we are to praise Him. If you don't think you have anything worth thanking Him for, how about just telling Him how much you appreciate the rain, the sun, the moon, the starts, the mountains, the cornfields, your pets, you kids, your family....see where I'm going here?

It wasn't God who gave me an asthma attack and put me in an 8 day coma. However He did go through it with me and He was there when I came out of it and He made me stronger physically and emotionally because of it.

We did live in a perfect world until our ancestor Adam sinned against God. That means man is to blame, not God.

I like the chorus to a "Casting Crowns' song that says:
And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm

"Hey don't blame me, it wasn't my fault" God

Wednesday Ramblings

Ok, time to get captivating. LOL.....It's Wednesday, they say we may have some heavy storms this afternoon with lots of rain and maybe hail. It's been a normal week so far. Nothing dramatic or outstanding as far as I can see. However......after hearing something about my former friend last Sunday in church, I decided "enough is enough" and I called her on Monday. Go figure, she wasn't home so I left a 'just hoping you are doing ok' message. So far, no response. But hey, I did the right thing.

Let's see, anything else happen so far this week? Paid bills, ( thank you Lord for provision! ) , helped get Katelynn's hair ready for school, watched a movie I hadn't seen and glad I didn't pay money to do so! "New In Town" with Renee Zellwiger and Harry Connick Jr. ( I love Harry Connick Jr., have seen him in concert twice ). The movie was cute enough.

Wow.....is this it? It's Wednesday and this is all I've got? LOL. After "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" there was absolutely nothing to watch on the telly so I popped in an old video of what I thought was going to be Andy Griffith episodes, turned out to be "Highlander" episodes instead. Hey, I can handle that! "I am immortal, I have inside me blood of kings"! Yeah actually we are and we do, in a way.

Ok, I think I'll stop for now, maybe something captivating will happen today and I can tell everyone about it!

Remember we are all royalty, our Father is the King of Kings, therefore treat each other as such!

Have I Really Forgiven?

To answer a readers question......some people experience sudden relief when they forgive someone. For me it wasn't that way. It was a gradual thing. I told the person I forgave them and didn't stick around long enough for them to say, "forgive me for what". LOL. Actually saying the words out loud or in letter form is the thing to do. Actually the first and foremost thing to do is ask God to help you forgive. Go on about life. Distance yourself from the cause of the hurt.

I recently read or heard someone very wise say that it's easy to forgive but we very seldom ever forget.

More to come!

A Start

For those of you following my blog and my latest posts on how to get over past/present hurts, please take note that the first step to doing so is you must be willing to forgive. Even if the person doesn't seem as though they are worth your forgivness, it's a must. So get yourself willing and then we'll start the process. Remember, I'm not a professional on the subject, but as my pastor likes to say "I have been there, done that and bought the t-shirt". And what better advice than that which is FREE!!

Angry At God

Have you ever been angry at God? Sure you have, admit it. We tend to blame him for almost everything bad in our lives. The reason we do that? We don't know him as well as we should.

Several months ago I got mad at God. I was hurt, betrayed, sad, let down etc. etc. Because of all those emotions, I also took out my anger on Him. When it all passed I had to laugh. No, I wasn't laughing at God, I was laughing with him.

The funny part was, I could be angry at the one who hurt me and that person could be angry right back at me. We could and did exchange words and parted ways. But when I was angry at God, he was like, "it's ok, I understand, I'm ok with you being angry with me, just remember I love you and I'll wait until you get past this moment in your life, I'll be right here".
If only we would get to know Him better, deeper, more personally, as well as we know the names of our favorite celebrity. When we get the real promise of God in our lives, peace will come into our hearts and joy will be forthcoming! Just look at this promise He has made.....

Psalm 14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!" ( taken from The Message )

No better person to throw us a party than God!

My Story About My Aprons/With Picture!

I'm so excited someone left a comment about my aprons!! Someone asked how I got started collecting aprons and I can honestly say, "I have no idea". It started a few years ago, I think I probably just saw a pretty one and bought it. Then I started to really notice them. Watching "I Love Lucy" I always comment on their aprons and how I would love to get my hands on them. I like the old fashioned ones the best, from the 50's and 60's. I have nearly 100 aprons and I usually find them at antique malls and thrift stores. I really wish I could sew because I also collect patterns. I have several that I drool over and wish I could make. I don't know what it is that I like about them. I wear them too, they aren't just to look at. They remind me of simple times, when women stayed home and ran the household. That's a dream of mine. I even have aprons from different countries. This is a picture of my 'summer' housework apron. Sometimes I wear one that matches my clothes or is appropriate for the season.....yes, I know, I need to get out more!

A Sunday Night Thought

What makes my life captivating? After seeing the new movie "Julie and Julia" I got to thinking about my own blog. I'm going to start praying that the Lord would give me something really captivating to write about. I want some followers. I want some comments. I really enjoy doing this but there has to be more to it than this. I could do a "daily life" thing but right now my daily life doesn't consist of much. The newest excitement is that I told my sister today I'm going to Wal Mart tomorrow to buy a new bucket to do some heavy duty housework soon. Her reply, "Yipee"!

Gonna sing "Come On Get Happy" and change the words to "Come on get captivating"

A funny one

I was watching an old episode of "Becker" the other day, ( the original "Dr. House" ) and he was complaining about life not being fair. He kept ranting and raving about the fact that everyone else in his anger management class had a chair but he didn't. "It's not fair, it's just not fair" he yelled. His instructor leaned forward and said, "Fair, fair? Fair is a place hogs go to win blue ribbons." It shut Becker up.

Life isn't fair, but God is good!

Got Problems?

Well it's a cool summer morning and I have enjoyed it so far by walking to Ernie's for an unhealthy breakfast. I just couldn't stand one more bowl of cereal or one more piece of whole wheat toast here at home. Do you know what I mean? There's a load of laundry in the washing machine, I'm going to get myself a much needed haircut this morning and then do a bit of shopping in Peoria with one of my sisters.

While checking my Facebook page awhile ago I got to thinking about something.Therefore I jumped on my blog to write it down for everyone to read!

I have several Facebook friends who seem to be going through a lot of difficult times. There are those who share and those who don't. I can always tell though even if they don't share that something is amiss. It's a gift I have. :-)

My human nature wants to scream, 'you aren't the only one, get over it and find something to make you happy'. But that's not the right thing to do.

One of the right things to do is to remind them, in a nice way, what the Bible says about all this. John 16:33......."I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Yes we are all going to have problems from time to time, but the wonderful promise is that God is there to give us peace about it all so that we can function in joy.

The other day a friend of mine made a comment about loosing her joy for the day......she then responded, 'nevermind, I found it again....I counted my blessings'.

Know that there is always one person worse off than you are and find a way to do something to help them. You will be amazed at how it might change your own circumstances.

Have You Ever?

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in a situation is? I know what my purpose in life is, but I'm still trying to figure out my purpose in another aspect of life. Have you ever felt like you don't fit in with something yet you know you are supposed to be there for a reason? Have you ever prayed about something for more than a year and felt like you haven't gotten an answer yet? Have you ever felt small and insignificant around your peers who are or seem to be doing great things for God? If so......to any of this, what have you done about it? Please use the 'comment' option to well, comment. Thanks

Two Days in the life of......

Yesterday I had a rocky start. Four in the morning I woke up to feel the onset of asthma problems. Thankfully we were able to get in touch with my doctor at home and all was well within a few hours.

Later in the day one of my sisters ran me over to Peoria to pick up some things from my lung doctor. Then we shopped, and we dropped. We ate lunch at McCallisters, had never been there before. And we shopped at the Naturally Yours Grocery Store.

Then today, that same sister and I went to Washington and hit the Goodwill, had lunch and ended up in East Peoria to do even more shopping. I squeezed money out of a $20 bill over two days. It went farther than it should have, and I have change to spare! That's God!

I am looking forward to Saturday as the Sara Ministry team will be a part of the Dream Center's Backpack Giveaway. It will be a busy day. But a productive day.

Sunday I will be in charge of communion at church. I used to do this in the past with a dear lady named Grace. I used to do a lot of things at church, bet you didn't know that did you? ;-) Wonder what is next for me? :-)

Have You Ever.........

Have you ever thought about getting yourself a relationship with the Lord? Is your life a mess and the worries mounting? Do you not have anything positive to look forward to? If you go to the Lord, you'll find something worth living for.

Everywhere you look in the Bible, God is up to something positive. In the world you look around and your job stinks, your family is in trouble, the economy is rotten and the politicians are worse. But if you look it up in the Bible, the Lord overcomes all of that and in the end you, me and God wins!

Did you know that the Bible, God's word, says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Only he that believes Jesus Christ is the Lord, will overcome the world". What better promise is there at this time in life?

"My job stinks, I hate it. My children are giving me problems. I can't get any sleep. I'm in such debt it's horrible. Nothing good ever happens" Any of those sound familiar?

First of all, I often think there should have been an eleventh commandment, "Thou shall not whine".

If you look around, ask God to open your eyes to the good things in your life. You HAVE a job. Think of all those that don't and need one. Learn to like what you have or ask Him to give you something new. ( that's another thing the Bible says, His mercies are NEW every morning) God loves doing new things in our lives. We just have to be open to receive them.

Are your children healthy? Think of all those that aren't. Do they play, laugh, talk to you? Then what are you griping about?

Is the sun shining? Is there enough rain? Do the stars shine at night? Do you have food on the table? Then, there is your something positive.

Are you doing anything to help you get some sleep at night? Instead of counting sheep are you talking to the Shepherd? Are you drinking a cup of good for you herbal tea to help you get some zzzz's? Matthew 11:28 says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Call out to God, get to know Him. Talk to him, he's a good conversationalist. He may not get right back to you, he may want to see that you are serious about getting to know him. But he is there, and he has great plans for you and me.

I don't know about you but I want what He has for me instead of what I have for myself. That's why I, like so many other people have taken Jeremiah 29:11 as their life verse. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Ask God to reveal His plans for your life to you, in the end you'll be glad you did.

When I got serious about my relationship with God I cried out to him, Lord, I want what you have for my life instead of what this world is offering me. And He answered me. He changed my outlook, my attitude and the course my life was taking. I couldn't be living my dreams without Him. No reason for you not to either.

Something I Never Do...or....Get That Squirrel Away From Me!!

I did something today I never do. I fixed myself a sandwich, went to the park, bought a soda and some chips, spread out a tablecloth on a table and ate my lunch next to the pavilion with the gorgeous view of the water and boats and ducks and geese and squirrels.

The weather is gorgeous, not to hot, not to humid. I killed two teeny tiny spiders, one on my arm. I looked up and had two ducks sitting next to me napping. After I was done eating I had a squirrel jump up on the bench next to me, all I could think of was 'oh no, crazy rabid squirrel is going to jump on me and there isn't a Funny Home Video camera in sight!' I quietly talked it down with a piece of bread I tossed aside. Some women and their children set up shop at a table nearby, there went my quiet space. Silly kids, don't they know they are supposed to be quiet in a park??

I was there for an hour, reading a couple of magazines, writing in my journal. The Methodist church across the road began their noon time fake chime of "How Great Thou Art" and it brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat. Because of the song, not the tin sound of it.

I came home a little over an hour later, only because I had to use the facilities and this woman will hold it forever before she uses a park bathroom. At home, I needed to put a load of laundry in the dryer, only to discover I forgot to wash the main thing I wanted to wash.

I feel as though I have creepy crawly little things meandering all over my body. Nature was not invented with me in mind. I prefer wondering how clean the establishment I'm eating in is over actually seeing what nature drops on my table.

But as I sat there talking to the animals that were near, I admit I did say 'Hello' to the squirrel and I asked the ducks, 'where did you guys come from?" I knew I was supposed to be where I was because I was out of my territory, comfort zone if you will and it gave me something to write about.

I had to laugh as I was leaving when it dawned on me yet again in my life how God loves it when we do something out of our ordinary, daily routine. It not only charges us up, it allows Him to be more open with us. We are shown new possibilities, new ideas, new encouragement. Isn't that something we all need?

I was alone with God, that's where things begin to happen. Did I need a man there with me? Heck no, he would have distracted me from God, the lover of my soul.

Just another meaningful Monday

I'm still hopped up on yesterdays message from Andy King on dreams and making them a reality. He showed us the Susan Boyle video and clips from the movie, "Freedom Writers". So I sat outside with the laptop earlier and tried to write in natures surroundings. However I don't think nature meant for me to be inhaling the neighbor ladies ciggarette smoke. So I had to come in. How dare she invade my space with her bad habit. But I got a start and I'm on the road to grabbing that dream and making it a reality. And more importantly I'm looking forward to the even BIGGER part of it that God has for me.

Here's a few pointers on how to achieve your dreams, something that you've had deep down inside of you since you were a kid perhaps. Susan Boyle had the dream of singing in front of an audience since she was 12 and at the age of what, 47, it came to pass. And even went beyond what she imagined.

It's a God given dream if you know it's much bigger than you are.
A dream is always going to be to big for you to achieve on your own.
If it is God given, it will always be on your mind.
You will always be willing to give something up for your dream.
It will seem crazy.
You will get opposition.

Get alone with God and discover your dream and don't waste time on worldly unimportant things. Those include pining over movie stars, rock bands, diets, foods, cleaning, etc. etc.

Dream Big!!

Something I Miss

I just returned from a wonderful 90 minutes at Starbucks. Ok, I prefer my hometown cafe over the world renowned Starbucks, but I needed a change of scenery. Actually all the men that came in had wedding rings on so there wasn't much change in that scenery! :-) But I digress.

I do so miss letter writing. Taking the pen in hand and putting words down on some paper, then neatly folding it to put it into an envelope. A stamp in the corner an address on the front and stick it in a little slot and anxiously await a return! Those were the days. I blame the computer for my declining penmanship.

A pen pal of about 30 years broke my heart a few years ago when she said she wanted to stop writing but would still enjoy keeping touch via e-mail. That's ok but she didn't really keep up her end of the bargain. Now it's down to Christmas cards and birthday cards. And if I want to get an e-mail from her I have to send one off where I inquire, "are you still alive"?

Yes I am going to keep referring to myself as a phenominon.....I'm single, no responsibility except to that of my cat and I can go here, go there, do this, do that and yes....even set down and write a letter and not have to use the phrase....."I just don't have the time". People should envy me instead of the other way around!

I'm sure I'll step on toes with that phrase, but then again, I may be quiet, but I can tell it like it is with the written word. I love it. :-)

Lighten up

As I was reading through some of my older posts I came to the conclusion it's time to ....LIGHTEN UP! They say laughter is the best medicine and most times 'they' are right. It's time to laugh. Laugh at the rough situations because they are only temporaray. Laugh when someone hurts you because in the end they will get what's coming to them! Is it bad of me to feel that way? I don't want bad things to happen to someone just because they did something bad to me.

I'm going to laugh in the face of adversity, maybe if I laugh hard enough spit will fly from my mouth and land on adversity's face!

Do You Ever???

Do you ever get to the point where you feel like you've gotten pulled away from everyone you know and suddenly you don't hear from them anymore or they are to busy with THEIR family and life to give you the time of day? Do you send off e-mails and get no returns? We all do, that's where I am now, again. And quite frankly I'm sick of it. I don't want to hear any more excuses, especially the one that goes, "just because you don't hear from me doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you". BOLOGNA. That might be the case, but if you've got the time to write that line, you've got the time to write something a bit more meaningful.

Even Facebook is getting boring. I can't take one more quiz. I'd come up with a worldwide solution to this problem but someone already has....it's called, Communication. Go figure.

Cambiare....revamp

When was the last time you changed? I'm not talking about a diaper or a light bulb, I'm talking about real change. And not the kind you find between the couch cushions. If life is still going the same for you today as it was five years ago, something is wrong. The truth is you really are never to old to change. You really can teach an old dog new tricks. If life is boring, if you are unhappy, then the only one that can fix that is you. And there's no reason not to. If you choose to believe the negative, then the positive will never come along. Happiness is a choice. Being stress free is a choice. Attitude is everything.

Several years ago when my best friend told me she would rather spend time with her new husband than me, I was crushed. After all it was I who was there for her during her first two marriages to the same man, during her pregnancies and births. Suddenly one day she began to make changes in her life, got out of a bad marriage, started seeing someone new. Her changes did not include me. And that gave me the opportunity to make my own.

Of course I put God first instead of my own needs and look what He did!!!

Forgiveness.....do it now and move on

I was thinking about forgiveness the other day and how important it is to our sanity. I was reminded, out of the clear blue sky, about two people I knew and hung out with in my younger days. They were both older than I am and were friends of a friend but I still knew them and did things together with them all. The two women were rather close. They did things together and traveled together.

On one particular occasion they went on a trip and flew somewhere. I believe they might have been out of the country or on their way out.

The one friend needed to use the facilites, the other friend got on the plane......and the plane left with out the other friend. A real friend would have missed the flight along with the other.

They never spoke again after that incident. And just a few years ago one of them passed away. I don't believe they ever settled things, they just stopped speaking.

It's pretty simple, someone does something they shouldn't, you tell them how you feel and then you say "I forgive you", even if you don't feel like it, even if they don't ask for it. And then you move on, with or without them.

Why do we make our lives harder than we have to?

Men Are Strange Creatures

I just met someone that I've been chatting with online for a month or so. The meeting was short, half hour or so. He ate breakfast and I sat and visited with him. I think he might have been more nervous than I was. Pleasant enough to look at and the conversation was light. I don't know if he left quickly because he found me hideous or if it was all more than he could bear. I was my charming self. I didn't seem nervous at all. I'm sure we will talk again online and that will be the true test. I wouldn't mind getting together with him again, he seems nice enough. Kind of a lonely guy since he is experienceing empty nest syndrome.

Men can be just as odd as us women. That's a profound statement that I just made up!

Morning Thoughts

As I sit here sipping my cup of French Roast, I'm thinking about my neighbors. I've lived in the same house for 46 years and I've seen it all come and go. Some has stayed longer than we've liked but that's another story. On our left is a young family we've known for years, they lived there, they moved, they came back and we are so grateful. We look out for one another, we visit, we do things for each other, their young son mows and shovels snow for us and his parents wont let us pay him. Still, we do something for him from time to time. He refers to himself as 'the lean mean mowing machine', he's only ten. Across the street are some odd characters. A guy and his son who comes on the weekends. Next to him is Handy Andy, a handyman by trade, to bad he doesn't do some handy dandy work on his house. Odd people, she never leaves the house, no curtains to open. When she does she's always dressed in black. Their grown children live there too. Very odd, but we speak. On my left is the house I grew up spending a lot of my time in. They were my second family. They have all gone now but ex relatives of theirs now live there which is again rather odd. They have kept the house up very nicely, wish at times I could go in and reminisce, I'm sure they have no idea who I am or that I know all about them. There are other houses in the neighborhood with people that have lived in them as long as I have lived in mine. But sometimes I wonder what goes on around here at night. I think I'll dig up an old copy of the movie THE BURBS and watch it for a laugh or two.....while I keep my door locked and my binoculars handy!

Build a Bridge and Get Over It

I have come to the correct conclusion that those of us who don't really know God at all are the ones that can't find anything to be cheery about. First of all God has our names written on the palm of his hand. He knows the number of hairs on our head, He knew us before we were even born and for crying out loud He sent his only son to die for us that we may have life, abundant life. And here we are, woe is me, my job stinks, my life stinks, no one cares yadda yadda yadda. If only we knew how wrong we are. We have roofs over our heads, food on the table, our children lack nothing, and for crying out loud Jesus hung on the cross for us. What more do you want? My church has a food pantry and every Saturday morning we serve hundreds. We have page after page of prayer requests for these people, they have no jobs, no two story, three bedroom homes, they have rotten health situations, they have abuse in their lives and yet they trust and believe that our prayers can make a difference. You know, ten years ago I almost died and I wouldn't be here today if it were not for the prayers of my church family. Am I where I want to be in life? Not yet, am I complaining about it? Not usually, most of the time I'm trusting God for that abundant life He has promised. It's all about attitude. 'Be of good cheer'....and thou shall not whine. Don't like your circumstances? Do something to change them. Whining gets you no where. There, I said it. Now I shall move on!

My trip

How wonderful it is to have people in my life that bless me. After a hard year 'friendship' wise, I was reminded this week of how people in our every day lives can be such a blessing. I had such a wonderful day yesterday, on my own in Naperville and Wheaton. While my friend was at her conference I once again wondered around the city. After checking out of the hotel at eleven, I found the huge Border's and spent over an hour there. I read, I wrote. I left my laptop at home and was glad I did. I knew where I was going to have lunch, same place I always do, The Corner Bakery. However this time I wasn't satisfied with my food and about two hours later I found myself in a Mexican Cantina eating a couple of tacos! I found my faveorite thrift store, "The Wise Penny" and bought a few things including yet another cookbook!! I even found an antique store and had a visit with the owner, we talked about old aprons. When friends treat you as though you are family, and hand over their car keys to you and say, "have fun"....you know you are truly blessed and have no room to complain about anything. It really is the nicest birthday present I have ever had, and I've had it for three years now! :-) The Lord really does have our best interests at heart.

I just knew it!

For the past few years at this time, I've been going to Wheaton with my friend. She attends a writers conference and I paint the town red while she is there. Being on my own, in a city with things to do is the best birthday present I could ever have. I just love the freedom. This year we were pretty sure we were going to be able to go but we weren't sure if we could stay over night this time. Money is tight these days as we all know. But deep down inside I pretty much knew it was going to happen. I prayed. I told the Lord, you know we just need to be able to stay overnight so we can be fresh as a daisy the next morning for the conference. I asked Him to just provide the way for us to stay overnight and on faith, I started to pack my bag. And sure enough, last night I got the call confirming we could stay overnight. The Lord is good to his daughters! ( and his sons too )

All I Can Do Is Laugh

At this point, laughter is still the best medicine. I contacted a friend of mine a week or so ago and she got back to me telling me she would love to get together sometime. I told her where I am almost every Saturday moring, she's more than welcome to join me ( she's familiar with the place). We haven't seen each other in awhile and her presence and encouragement would be great. She got back to me and said, 'and maybe ____ could come to, I miss you both'. No, no no. People don't you get it? Ok, so it would be nice if it was the three of us but in my state of mind and heart at this point, that was just another blow. I'm not good enough to mingle with on my own. Oh yeah, I hear you, I know that's not the truth, but it sure feels like it. I choose to laugh though, makes it easier. LOL

What's Wrong With Me?

It's happened yet again. I wondered why I hadn't heard from someone I know since January. We made plans to go see a movie some time, or grab a bite to eat. I called a few times, e-mailed a few times and got nothing in return. Just heard from her, she's been dating a great guy blah blah blah.

What gives??? So you're dating a great guy, have you lost the ability to dial a phone or type a quick email? What ever happened to manners? Don't they know I'M supposed to be dating someone great too?

I really sometimes think something is wrong with me.

Thursday Ramblings

After a day of rain and a night of storms, it's a beautiful crisp morning. I set here at CJ's listening to a group of women talk and laugh. Though I love being alone, I secretly wish the people I knew weren't so busy with their lives and could join me now and then. I get tired of the "to busy" excuses and remember what my mom used to say, "we've all got the same amount of time in a day, what are you doing with yours". I really don't want to be back in my shell. But a person just gets to the point where she stops caring about stuff.

I came down here to watch the latest Kim Clement and it wont load!!! Ugh! Guess I'll just have to come back on Saturday morning, or tomorrow. Got a free coffee coming. Woohoo!

Not So Captivating

Who am I kidding, my life is not captivating. Has it ever been? Last night as I was falling asleep I confessed to my cat who was laying on me that I don't seem to matter to anyone. My sister calls every day and totally has hardly anything to say on the phone. That's about it. My other sister wouldn't call for anything. She sleeps till almost noon and doesn't go anywhere for some excuse or another. If it weren't for Debbi and the kids, the only contact with humans I would have would be the checkout people at the stores. I have tried, especially in the last year, to get together with people now and then. We set up a date and then something comes up or they change their mind. I am questioning my significance in this world. I know who I am in Christ, but sometimes it would just be nice to have a human to relate to. You know what I mean.

It has been a year since the fallout of my former friend. I continue to see her at church with her new friend, holding hands, smooching, doing things together. I don't care what people say, it still hurts. You can forgive, but you never forget.

Tired of wallowing in any self pity, I try and move forward. I try and get involved in other things, but nothing seems to be working. I know it's hard to get to know me because I'm so quiet, I appear to be standoffish. Just remember, appearances are deceiving.

Enough for now

Last Night

Last night as I dined out alone, I was listening to a woman have a conversation with two young teenage girls. I couldn't tell if she was the mother or not but I heard her say to one of them, "you haven't made out with him yet"? I think my mouth dropped open a bit. I so wanted to say something to her. Or maybe I should have said something to the girl?

I am blessed to be single.

Interesting morning

I've had an interesting morning. I have the day to myself and barely any money to do anything fun. But I dug out some change and came down to the cafe to watch the latest Kim Clement. I might add it was good! I've seen this young man here many times before and know him to be a Christian. I can tell. Today he moved to the table behind me to plug in his laptop. When I came back from getting more coffee he said to me he noticed I was watching Kim Clement and we started to visit. Turns out he's the pastor of Rock Church and knows and gets together with Pastor Mike now and then. What makes it an interesting morning? You just never know.

As I Sit Here

I've had a busy week. I had the job interview on Monday and as of today I feel that the job is not meant to be. The hours were perfect, the actual job itself sounded like a piece of cake. I could get off work and still work for Debbi for a couple of hours in the afternoon. It would have been nice to actually get back in the work force again. But I didn't hear from anyone on Friday like they said I would so I take in a huge sigh and wonder what on earth is next for me. I'm living God's purpose for my life so that I can fulfill my destiny, right Kim? It would be nice to step into my destiny before my 46th birthday which is fast approaching.

So as I sit here at CJ's nursing Swiss Almond Chocolate coffee, and watching all the people come and go, eavesdropping on the new mayor and his cronies, I look forward to helping out at a wedding this afternoon. Isn't it interesting that I have been going to weddings quite a bit lately? What's up with that. I also know that soon I will be faced with an announcement of another one, probably, most likely. I pray the Lord prepares my heart for that.

It's easy to forgive, it's hard to forget

One Year Anniversary

I have to write, writing is in my blood. Others have the passion for their children, their jobs, using their digital cameras, cooking, shopping etc. Mine is writing. The feeling of my fingers on the keys, putting words together gives me a high. Simple as that. It's my form of therapy. It's very cheap.

It has been almost one year since my best friend and I have spoken. I have come to the conclusion, long ago, that the term 'best friends' no longer fits us. I move on, forward, onward, upword and without her.

The fun times are gone, always remembered not forgotten.

The times of looking at her at church and having that sinking, sick feeling have gone. The feelings of wanting to get revenge, wanting to just slap her silly have gone. ( they creep back in once in awhile ).

I have done all I can, done the right thing. She has not. Maybe she's afraid of me. Maybe she still feels guilt.

It happened on May 24th, on the way home from the last ( and most disappointing ) Indiana Jones movie. The words, "I have something to tell you" usually tell a person that a form of doom is on the way. Her betrayal and sneekiness led to the doom of a good friendship.

It didn't have to happen the way it did. But......God in his wonderful wisdom, knew exactly what was going to happen and in His own way, He gave me a glimpse of what was to come. I look back on the three things that made me go, "hmmmm" before it all happened and it makes me feel good that I serve a God that speaks to those that listen.

Sometimes writing turns into rambling.

I spent hours crying, I spent days wondering. I know the day will come when a big announcement is made and I pray the Lord will prepare my heart for that day. So that I can at least appear happy, even if I still want to slap her! ;-)

Monicals and the four ladies

Beautiful day to go to an establishment and set down to eat an unhealthy meal of pizza and salad dressing. I walked in and got behind four elderly ladies, elderly meaning in their 80's. All dressed nice, wreaking of perfume and hair color that was never their own. They were looking at menus and trying to decide what to order. One even commented, 'why do they make it so hard to choose'? No maam, it's you that is making it hard! I stood, smile on my face while I waited. I was half thinking one of them would say to me, 'You go ahead honey, we haven't made up our mind yet".

My smile began to fade as they started to place their orders. One lady in particular irritated me. "Do you want any meat on your pizza"?
"Well Yeah"
"What type of meat would you like"
"Well what type do you have"

Haven't you ever had a pizza before lady?

"Would you like a salad with that and a drink?"
"No, got salad fixings at home."
" A drink?"
"Well yeah, what have you got?'

In the end they all ordered water.

I don't normally get irritated over stuff like that. They were celebrating someones birthday and out having a fun lunch. But take your perfume ladened body away from me, I want to taste my pizza not your Tabu!

Finally I placed my order and sat down. To my, hmmmm, guilt? I looked over at the women before they began to eat and to my horror they were all praying over their food! The really irritating woman was actually doing the praying.

All I could do was laugh and say, "sorry Lord, I was to into my self to even thank you for this food".

All was well, and I could taste the pizza after all.

Easter thoughts

As I was driving down the road the other day I passed homes with Easter decorations in their yard. Cute little bunnies here and there, lots of plastic colored eggs laying around. Everything in pastels etc. I got to thinking and noticing that not one decorated house had anything that mentioned the real meaning of the holiday. Not one cross, not one fake empty tomb, nothing. At Christmas time we display Santa and nativity scenes. Why not display some bunnies bowing down at the foot of the cross? Why do we pay homage to a rabbit and a basket full of candy? The promise was made and the promise was kept, the tomb is empty. For you and for me. And it doesn't promote tooth decay! ( from all those goodies in the basket )

Saturdays Edition

It's a beautiful spring day, the sun is shining the temps are rising.....and after today it's all downhill weather wise. Cold, rain, snow moving back in. I am in terrible need of disposing of my socks and shoes and wearing my sandles to show off my pink toes, oh when will that day come?!

I've been watching clips from The Passion of the Christ. And wondering why I'm doing it because my eyes fill with tears and my heart begins to pound and here I sit in CJ's. I watch and remember that what Jesus went through, He did for me. So that I may remain with Him always. Deserves more than a mere 'thanks Lord'. I love this time of year, to be reminded what it's all about. Not about a bunny, not about candy, but it is so sweet to know the tomb is empty, just as He said it would be. What a wonderful fulfilled promise!

And so I go about my day, here sits my sister. Alone time is over.

It's been a busy few days. I went to a church in Chicago Friday night with three other women. I had a nice time. I enjoyed the speaker. But when people ask me how it was I say, "well, it was good, it was ok". I guess deep down inside myself I wanted and was expecting more. I think that in my spirit there was something I can't put my finger on. Worship was good for me, only two or three songs that really got me going. I got back to my home church on Sunday and inside I was still going strong from Friday night. When we sang the song, "I Am Free" I wished all the uptight white people in my church would get up and actually run and dance and scream......why didn't I do it at my church, I did it at someone elses? Well, ok, I don't own a good bra, every one at that other church didn't know me and probably wouldn't see me again......LOL...excuses excuses. :-)

I'm not feeling well. My sinus, my ear and my jaw are hurting. Go away in the name of Jesus!

Wonderful Wednesday

I should be home, doing laundry, getting some things packed for Friday's getaway. I wish I were more excited about it. I have to admit I'm not to thrilled about sharing a a room with three other people, I'm used to just me and one other and having my own bed. But who knows, it may be fun. Oh this employee here at CJ's drives me nuts! She's one of those who has a loud voice and it just really gets on my nerves!

A nap sounds good.

Yesterday

What a nice day I had yesterday, sitting at Monicals, enjoying the jewelry party, visiting with other women. I like my solitude, but at times it's nice to actually be around people. Especially people who are interested in what I have to say, and interesting in their own way too! Tomorrow I get to see my second cousin who turns 1 year old, for the first time. I have a radical new hairstyle. People have actually looked at me and sucked in their breath.....and then said, "I like it"!

She Spoke!

Yesterday at church, my sister was a witness to it! I was standing at the door talking to a friend of mine when she walked in, early! I spoke first actually, again I said, "hey, how are ya" and she nodded and said she was doing good. But then she asked about my brother. I began to tell her how he is doing etc. and noticed she was not really standing still but walking away as we talked. She mentioned something about someone saying it's a matter of my brother changing some of his ways and I concluded the conversation with , yes, don't we all need to change some of our ways......she heard me, she didn't say anything. I also said, "and I'm doing pretty good too, thanks for asking".....but she was to far gone.

I know, I'm obsessed with the fact that she doesn't inquire about me. I'm obsessed with the fact that she is no longer the Lorrie I used to know. If she were, she would be first in line to want to talk and resolve things. I have concluded that she fears me!! Me! I am to be feared. Right. Then again maybe so!

Wedding Day

I've been going to my church for about 30 years.....yes, 30, and today was the second wedding that I have ever attended there. Hmmmm, something wrong with that picture. Funerals a plenty but weddings, not so many. It was a nice ceremony. I probably would have done things differently, but it was casual. I remember when my grandmother remarried, she was in her 70's. My niece and nephew were 1 and 2 weeks old at the time, and one of them cried through the ceremony and grandma said she never heard a peep she was to nervous and concentrated on the ceremony. When I get married I want children at my ceremony, but I also want their parents to have a clue. If your child begins to act up or runs away from you, don't grab said child and walk in front of the couple and the minister and all the guests to get out......that's what side exits are for. If your child begins to act up or runs away from you, don't go back to your seat with them....take them out, far away. Don't wear jeans to a wedding unless it's a cowboy/country themed outdoor ceremony and I hope I never have to attend one of those. If you attempt to comb your 3 year olds hair two seconds before the bride walks down the aisle and the child begins to cry and whine and produce tears.....STOP COMBING! It's a really easy way to get the child to quiet down.

Ok, what else do I like to complain about. Oh yeah, I really don't like it when we as guests have to set there and listen to some sappy song play while the bride and groom stand up front staring at each other. BORING! That's something I wont do. Yes I want a special song, but I don't want to stand and stare at one another.

And then there's the reception......I would be really tempted to have all my photos taken prior to the ceremony. Fifteen minutes top for photos........then we eat!!! Snack table is nice. If it's a buffet.....two lines, keep it moving!

Parents, don't let your kids run loose in a church, especially one that you are not familiar with. Ladies, don't be pigs in the bathroom. Don't take your plate of cake in with you and sit it on the sink while you do your duty. Take a paper towel and wipe up that mess you see on the sink. Don't stand outside the church door and smoke. Tacky tacky tacky. And watch your language. God lives there.

And those are just a few of my friendly gripes about weddings. LOL

Saturday.... Memories

It's a beautiful, crisp, sunny Saturday morning. The sun is actually shining right into my eyes and shutting the blinds wont even help. So I type with a big red ball of light appearing every time I blink. My coffee of choice this morning is Columbian Supremo, it's ok. I usually go to CJ's on Saturday mornings but I have a wedding to go to today, so I'm staying home to have ample time to get ready for that, have to leave the house around eleven.

I'm rather excited about going to a wedding. It will be the second one I've been to in fifteen years or so. I go to funerals a lot more. I decided to go to this wedding because it will be an opportunity to be in the presence of happy, peppy people. People who are experiencing joy and hope. And I like the fact that if you want to live a positive life, you can't hang around negative people all the time. I guess that's one reason I like being alone. Not lonely, there's a difference.

I saw a movie last night on t.v. that brought back some memories of me and my friendship with Lorrie. The movie, "So I Married an Ax Murderer". I remember years ago when that movie came out and she and I went with her friend Wayne and his wife or girlfriend, don't remember, to see that movie. He had some friends with him too. They were all snoody and stuck up and during the movie, she and I and Wayne were laughing our heads off at Mike Myers while every one else just sort of chuckled here and there. As if they were to good to be amused by the stupidity and funness ( is that a word ) of the movie. But you knew deep down inside they really wanted to laugh out loud, they just didn't want to appear amused. Lorrie and I continued to talk about that night for years.

My sister went up and talked to Lorrie and church last Sunday. Lorrie told her all about her treatment being over, her and her sister taking a little trip....but Lorrie never inquired about us. I think she's scared of us, no really, I do! Otherwise she would at least call to see how we are. The two way street of life has a dead end sign on her side.

I move on! Forward! I look back but I don't stay there.

It's a wonderful day

I just finished watching about two hours of Kim Clement online. I have to say I'm pumped up and ready to go. It's a gloomy weekend outside but on the inside I'm hopeful, I'm joyful and the world tells me I have no reason to be because of all the bad stuff that is going on. I, however, know better than to listen to what those religous idiots ( ok I watch to much House ) tell me. Kim told the story of when he was 19 and living in South Africa his car ran out of gas as he and his friend were on their way to a meeting. He managed to get the car to the front yard of a house where there was a hose......he got out, turned the hose on and filled the tank up with water as his friend said, "are you crazy"? Kim said, "if God can turn water into wine, he can turn water into gas" and he continued to drive the car for three solid days. How cool is that? That's how I want to live my life.

It

Reminders

As I set here at six thirty in the morning, drinking a cup of Chocolate Raspberry coffee and listening to the birds singing their morning songs, I'm reminded about how life can take a turn in a blink of an eye, and I wonder, are we, am I, prepared? I think of my brother who suffered a heart attack yesterday, he popped some asprin, and they caught it all in time, but I consider the way he and my whole family eat. Ok, I love veggies and fruits, but even more I like sugar. Did Jesus eat pie, cake, cookies, frosting, cheesecake? No, and look at him, He probably wasn't sick a day in his life. Hmmmm, makes you think.

Lighten up

Ok, it's time to lighten up. After yesterdays Bible study, I came out of it light hearted. A spring in my step. I've been studying the book of Daniel.....Daniel was and did a lot more than just get thrown into the lions den, it's much more than a Sunday school lesson. It's a parallel between then and now. Did you know that what's happening now is exactly what the Bible tells us will be happening now. Amazing isn't it? Ok, end of sermon. I told them other women in my study that I had to confess that I don't like history, I don't care about what happened in the past. Though God delights in us when we seek to learn, He doesn't mind my honesty about all this. But I perservere and learn anyway. Even though I already know the outcome of where we are headed....we win! Yes the days are going to get worse, but God is in control and we still win! Ok, I'll go back to my lesson now. Though I'd rather stare at these nice looking men that are walking in.