Thanksgiving 2013

Thanksgiving Day 2013.

 

I had worked myself up to the hope of going out to eat for Thanksgiving dinner. Day or night I didn't care. It didn't happen. In fact the phone rang only once all day and that was my daily call from my sister who lives in a nursing home. She called to tell me all about her outing to a friends.

 

I had also been invited but being in the shape I am, health wise, it is hard for me to go to other people's homes. So I declined the 3 offers I had gotten.

 

As my day wore on I guessed I could have called some people but then they were all busy cooking and serving family.

 

So I ate a Buddig meat sandwich for lunch. Later in the day I planned to actually fix a meal but after 45 minutes my oven decided not to come on so all I had was a room full of gas smell to which I had to open a window for a bit. So, no oven baked anything. Thankfully I have a crock pot and microwave.

 

I checked the phone to see if it was working. I checked Facebook a few times only to see how everyone was enjoying their families and food.....so I went back to my book on tape and a cup of tea.

 

My neighbors grand daughter came over to play with the kittens, that was the highlight of my day.

 

There are many many reasons why someone is alone on a holiday. Mine is not unique. However I have come to the conclusion that this is the last one I spend alone. From now on, I'm going to find other singles, widows, orphans who don't necessarily want to be alone but they don't have much of a choice. We are going to go out to eat somewhere, even if it has to be fast food. We are going to give thanks, eat and get to know one another. Perhaps we will go somewhere together and serve.

 

Perhaps we will go shopping. And that's another thing. Don't be telling me not to shop on Thanksgiving. I can shop whenever I want to. Maybe that store that is open has a bunch of employees that are beyond thankful they have a job and can use the extra money. A few years ago my sister and I started going to a movie on holidays. Don't hear anyone complaining about filling your mind and thoughts with all that garbage on Thanksgiving.

 

Ok so there you have my Thanksgiving blog. LOL Next year will be better.

 

 

 

 



A Review....of sorts

A few years ago I startd to hang out a local "mom and pop" cafe. I would be there every Saturday morning with my journal and laptop. I got to know the owners, the customers, the staff. It was always good fun. Later on I had a friend join me on Saturday mornings. Then my health took a turn and my Saturday morning trips got fewer and fewer until I couldn't go by myself any longer. I did manage to go here and there but always with someone. It saddened me quite a bit.

Back in June I was able to gather there with a bunch of friends for my birthday. Wonderful. But I wasn't able to go again until last week. The place has been sold and is under new ownership. I already knew this. I walked in with great expections.

We went in for a late breakfast. Ten in the morning. That's late for me.

I noticed the change right away. A different atmosphere. All new tables. All facing the same way. Kind of boring considering the previous owner made things a bit more 'cozy' with the seating arrangements.

We sat down. Our server was one I knew so I grilled her about all the changes. She told me quite a few things. One being the new owners are thinking about taking some things off the menu. Those things being some of the most popular dishes. I've never been sure why places do that. New people take over and they change the good stuff and loose business. I mean look what happened to Ernie's when it was sold. They changed all sorts of stuff on their menu and to this day their business is not like it used to be.

I

guess it takes time to build up a clientel but the server also told me they have lost quite a few regular customers. I hope the new owners can win some back and gain some new ones in the process.

All in all the experience was not bad. You can still take your laptop, visit with people, have good food and really great coffee. We had Cinnamon Sticky Bun flavored coffee and then we had some Pumpkin Spice. My friends French Toast Sticks were different. It is now French Toast cut in to strips with a generous helping of powdered sugar.

CJ's Cafe is still there, I'll still go.....unless they take away the bagels. :-)

Heavy Man

Do you ever wake up with something so heavy on your mind and heart you just know it's from God?

 

I have 3 people in my life that are going through really tough times. ( 4 including me ) :-). One has something serious, one has something very serious and the other has something very very serious. I can't explain it, but when they come to my mind I have an overwhelming sense of heaviness for them and I have to stop and pray. It is a priviledge and honor to do so. Though part of my heart breaks for them, the other part is filled with joy over what lies ahead for us all.

 

You know, quite possibly there is a good reason I'm alone so much...you just never know who is praying for you. :-)

Stress Vs Panic

There is a differance between stress and panic. I tend to panic. When something happens around the house I panic. I get all bent out of shape, cry and worry. Then someone comes along, fixes the problem and I'm like, "whew, glad that's over, whats for lunch?" It happened again yesterday. I went to flush the toilet and the handle wouldn't move. It had been acting kind of funny lately but I thought it was just because my hands don't work like they used to.

 

So I paniced. Thankfully my nephew was available and came right over. Problem...broken handle. He showed me how to flush it by taking the lid off and raising the bar.....well you know. Problem solved later today when I buy a new handle and he puts it on for me.

 

I don't like to panic. I don't like to have to take care of things around the house anymore. I want someone else to be responsible. If you know of anyone who wants to buy a big fixer upper, let me know. Wonder where I will go from here? Besides Walmart for a new toilet handle. :-)

What Can Happen

I'd like to share a bit of what can happen when you run to God for help. This is a true story.

 

About ten years ago my very best friend was diagnosed with Melanoma. She ran to me. We sat and cried together. I shared with her the fact that she needed to also run back to God. So she started coming to church with me. She began to build relationships. She got through her cancer treatment and some other ailments. She started to bring her mom and each Sunday we would all sit together and have fun at church.

 

The years passed. Then suddenly something happened that messed up our friendship and caused all sorts of pain and discomfort. But that's ok, it helped build up many things in my life. We took care of matters. Forgave and moved on.

 

In her willingness to run to God all those years ago, He opened doors for her she never thought about. Well maybe deep down inside she thought about them.

 

She walked through that big door, met a man, dated for about 5 years and today they are married.

 

Things can change when you pursue a relationship with God. The Bible tells us to put away all the foolish things of this world and seek Him. I kind of did that when I gave up watching television. It has given me more time to pursue God. I read more, study my Bible more, pray more, go out more, hang with friends more.

 

We can't go at this thing alone. We have to pursue a relationship with God and His people. It makes a difference in our life, in our health. It's time to get over whatever bitteress one might have with church life. As my former pastor was fond of saying, "build a bridge and get over it." People are always going to let us down, no matter what. It's up to us to try and not be that type of person. :-)

 

Backing up a bit....I have had nothing but fantastic treatment and care at the place I had my eye surgery done. The whole place runs like a fine tuned assembly line but everyone has been kind and friendly. Except for one. She was a "by the book" nurse who looked down at us over her glasses and talked very "matter of factly". No personality. So we had a question for her and she told us what was what and then just sort of lingered. What did we do? Oh how I wanted to be sarcastic. God forgive me I was when she left the room. But while she was there we just smiled at her and said "ok". Being sarcastic would have made me feel better but then it isn't about me.

 

I say "we" because over the last year or so I have had a friend who is a retired nurse go with me to almost every doctor appt. I have had. She has been my second pair of eyes and ears and yes there have been times when I might have wanted to be alone, but glad I wasn't. That's just another example of the provision of God. Running to Him gives me peace, joy, love, church family and much more.

 

Who knows, maybe someday it will lead to a date! Even though I'm at a point where I am content with God being the only man in my life. He is all I need. :-)

Sunday Morning Thoughts

Thoughts....yes I have plenty! Should I share them all? Don't think so. I am up early this morning. I slept about four hours, woke up and came to the conclusion I was supposed to get up an accomplish a few things early. So I've had my coffee, had some prayer time, talked to Momma as she ate her breakfast and nosed around the house. Soon I will wash my hair, do my eyedrops AGAIN and start the process of getting ready for church.

 

Yesterday was one of those days where I did nothing, heard from no one and pretty much wasted away. Today I look forward to being in the company of my church family. We are having our annual pork chop meal after the service. I love church meals, all that food....but afterwords I always feel like I need a hamburger and a soda! Though I have almost totally given up soda.

 

I am trying very hard to eat better. Then I get on Facebook and see all those food pictures and recipes people post and I wonder....do they really ever try to fix that stuff and does it actually look like the picture and why are they even looking at it when they are diabetic like myself???

 

I miss my "going out for coffee" gang. Anyone want to start doing that? I'll go out for coffee at night too! That's why they created decaf!

 

So I got my eyes fixed. One has healed up nicely and quickly, the other is taking its sweet time and playing around with a sinus infection.

 

Have a family member diagnosed with cancer this past week. Time to get angry at the enemy again for thinking he can win when he knows he is a looser.

 

Very thankful for those who watch over me, think about me, take care of me, even though I'm an adult it is still nice to be taken care of. :-)

 

Ok, those are some Sunday Morning thoughts. Can I go back to bed now?

Oh What a Night

I did something last night that I haven't done in YEARS. I laid awake until 3 a.m. listening to old cd's. I found myself in the possession of a new compact cd player with awesome sound. So after I finished my book on cd that I was "reading" I popped in some music. One cd led to another and the next thing I knew it was near dawn. When you are listening to music with headphones on, it's different than when you have it playing through the house.

Let me back up a bit. My new cd player also has FM radio and I was picking up stations I didn't know existed. I suddenly found myself transported back to what I grew up on....80'a rock. When music had a beat and you could understand the words and dance to it and...I digress.

What I was hearing led me to some of my own stuff. Foreigner, Journey, Aerosmith, and yes you guessed it, Cheap Trick.

I put in two lesser known Cheap Trick "albums" and immediately had a flood of emotions. Mostly laughter, but I did shed a few tears over memories...after all they do light the corners of my mind.

No other voice stirs me up like Robin Zander. I don't say that to be sappy, Have you ever really listened to his range?

So there I am listening to old and new Cheap Trick and suddenly I was taken back to days with Lisa, Laurie, Gail and some that shall remain nameless for various reasons.

There I was with Lisa at the old Madison Theatre standing at the stage not five feet from the band as they performed. That was the sweaty towel night!

And there I was meeting Laurie for the first time at Trickfest. What an awesome weekend. We could have pitched in and gotten Robin a new hat, but the suit made up for it! Gail, Lisa and I took forever deciding what to wear and how to fix our hair only to realize later on we were really the only ones who cared.

And there was our third guest and the handcuffs. I wont go there. ;-)

There was the trip to Rockford...there was the concert at the Steamboat Festival where the band was spotted on the gambling boat. There was the concert in Duquoin where Lisa, Gail and I went backstage and met them personally.

As I listened to their music in the middle of the night the memories were so thick I could see colors. Colors of Tom Petersson's outfit, of Robin's son hanging out, of Gail trying to look like Stevie Nicks, of meeting Laurie in the bathroom, of seeing Tom in a downtown Peoria bar as Lisa and I sat eating dinner before the show.

Those were fun times. I guess we all grew up and stopped having fun times because we no longer keep in contact. It would be fun to all gt together again an go down memory lane to share a laugh or two.

Staying up till three a.m. was fun, but it has definitely been a more than one cup of coffee day.

An affair to remember....

I can breath a sigh of relief. The second hardest wedding of my life is over. I did rather well. Spoke to my friend before the ceremony. Then I got recruited to help during the reception.....actually I was told not asked....I really just wanted to be a guest.

My whole morning started out with a few circumstances. Then I found out I had to be ready to leave 90 min sooner than I had thought. No problem.

Upon showing up at the affair I was told I looked gorgeous, glowing and I believe someone told me I looked beautiful. Hey, that was my plan all along!

So I sat down and listened to the bride and groom introduce some people and when she got to the part where she introduced her bridesmaid as her "best friend" it was as though someone threw rice in my face. I suddenly turned sad. I heard a voice whisper in my ear, "that used to be you".

And so I scarfed down my food, left, came home, ate a tenderloin and onion rings, had a good cry and watched a video.

Wish I could have seen things....darn these cataracts.

Wish them well..... I think I'll elope :-)

Bittersweet Time

Be careful how you treat the ones you care about, you can never take back the hurt you may cause...

It is going to be a rather bittersweet weekend for me.

Five years ago my best friend and I had a parting of ways over something she did. I was hurt beyond belief and our friendship bit the dust as we knew it. It has never been the same. It has been mended, we still go out for a bite to eat once in awhile but the fun like we used to have is gone.

And now her wedding approaches. I've spent the last week or so contemplating why I'm emotional about it. Is it because she is getting what I have always dreamed of? No. It's because I miss being a part of the pre wedding activities that all best friends are a part of. The parties, the showers, the wedding planning, decorating, consulting etc etc.

I would have looked forward to all of that stuff. Now I'm just a guest.

Am I happy for her? Sure why not, anything else takes to much energy.

Deep breath, pretty smile, waterproof mascara!

Eye Spy Part One

Let's go down the road to surgery together and have a laugh or two.

To begin with, in order to qualify for financial aide, I had to write a letter stating how my basic monthly needs are met. I could have made anything up, but I chose to go the honest way.

I worded my letter using the words "anonymous donations from church family".

I ended up going round and round with a young woman who insisted I tell them who the donations came from because they needed to write a letter explaining their side of the story. I couldn't get through to her that I don't know who the donations come from, hence the word "anonymous".  Then she wanted a letter from the church....I said the church doesn't know who the ANONYMOUS donors are either. Then she wanted a letter from my family. WHAT? Ok chickiepoo here's the scoop. First of all my church refers to one another as family, Second of all, there was no comma in between 'church & family' in my letter. Thirdly, would you like for me to give you a Webster's dictionary so you can look up the word "anonymous"?

Twice I went through all of this with her, once on the phone and once in person. I was very nice and cheerful both times, even to the point of giggling. She wasn't amused.

FINALLY, her supervisor read letter and approved it on the spot.

Thus begins the journey. Now I wait on something else that has become somewhat comical....I'll keep you posted. LOL

My Two Dads

I have two dads. They both live in the same place. I’ve only ever seen one of them, but soon I will eel both. My dad,Lloyd was a quiet, caring man with a temper. When he would get mad he would slam and bang things and use bad language, but not real bad. He was protective of me. I remember one time he witnessed something a neighbor kid did to me and my mom had to hold him back from doing serious damage to the kid. My other dad is the most loving and caring being you could ever meet. Not only is he protective, I am also the apple of his eye I really can’t compare him to Lloyd, that wouldn’t be fair. The one difference between the two of them is my other dad does not have a temper. 

Lloyd was a good provider.  He was a good handy man, could fix a car and do all sorts of stuff around the house. He loved to set out in the front yard and listen to the Cub games on the radio or visit with people who would come by. He was a walker, would walk downtown just to see people. Enjoyed being in the mall watching people go by. Kids loved him, animals were attracted to him. If you needed help, he would be there for you. Though the words were never said, we loved each other.

My other dad, well he loved me more and had I known him better, I probably would have loved him more than Lloyd. No offense. This dad, oh the promises he can and did keep! What an amazing man. He could build and fix things too he was a carpenter by trade. He was also a quiet man. Didn’t have all that many friends. Did a lot of walking like Lloyd did. Unfortunately he died young. He was in his thirties. But the really amazing thing was, three days after he died, he came back to life and after that Is when I got to know him. Oh my gosh what a ride it has been.

To this day I enjoy his quiet nature. I take comfort in his caring words.

I see many similarities n him and Lloyd. I know they see each other quite a bit considering they are in the same place. This dad I can run to and get on his lap and talk to him and he will answer me.

I’m glad my relationship with Lloyd was a loving and caring one. I’m glad my relationship with my other dad continues to grow every day.

I could go on and on about both of them.

I’m sorry if you never had the chance to know Lloyd. He we a good guy. However, if you would like to know my other dad, I can introduce you to him, His name is Jesus and he is so awesome that once he walked on water and he made all sorts of sick people well again. But the most amazing thing he ever did was hang on a cross and die for all of us. Not quite sure if Lloyd would have done that for me. Again, no offense.

Lloyd never really made any promises to me, he might have in his heart but never verbally said them. Jesus however made one that he has kept and will always keep,.

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Reflections

Ahhh, let us see what reflection I should start with. Definitely not the one in the mirror yet!

I turn 50 soon. For some people their age is a big problem. I have no problem with it. I am the exact age I'm supposed to be and so are you. Deal with it. :-)

Here are a few past thoughts on my life
!. I once had a huge mess of shelving fall on top of me when I was working at a retail store. It was "clean up" day in the storeroom and I was assigned the big job of making sense out of someones mayhem. The shelving missed my head and grazed my shoulder. I was spared serious injury.
2. While driving my mom's car I was behind a city bus that clipped low hanging branches of a tree sending a huge piece if it into the windshield of the car. I had to swerve to delay injury. Thankfully the city paid for the damage to the car. No damage to me.
3. In 1999 I almost died.
4. My health has been stolen from me.
5. Friends have betrayed me.
6. New friends have entered my life along with old ones I lost track of for some reason or other.

If I sat long enough I could think of a lot more but I'm due for Coffee Hour with friends!

The Story Starts Here

Ok, where to start? A few years ago I presented an idea to my pastor to start a food pantry. A team was formed and the Lord told me to  name the pantry "Community Harvest". The first day we were "open" we served a handful of people. Today we serve over 200 families each week. After helping to form the pantry, I stepped aside from serving. For reasons of my own.

 

Things were happening in my life health wise that I needed to focus on and to be brutally honest I just didn't want to be a part of it.

 

To make a long story short, I know it's too late for that.....we will go back a couple of months.

 

Those who know me know I have been going through some difficult times with health and financial issues. Probably one of the hardest things for me is to not have my own transportation. But I digress.

 

Recently though I have had such a huge desire in my heart to serve the Lord again. There are times I am overwhelmed with the generosity and help from my friends and family. When I need them or when they just call and want to take me somewhere. It blesses me so much yet it also makes me feel sad that I can't return the blessings like I used to.

 

So my prayer has been really simple..."Lord, I want to be able to serve you again, to bless people." Thankfully the Lord answers even the simplest of prayers.

 

Because of a new friend from church who lives in Pekin, I am able to get out and do more and do more church stuff. That was Door Opening Number One from God. Yesterday Door Opening Number Two From God was I served at my first Community Harvest Pantry Day ( which is every Saturday Morning) . I worked in the kitchen. I love kitchen work. I helped make and serve  ham, au gratan potatoes, green beans, fruit salad and dessert to about 40 pantry volunteers. I'm not as fast as I used to be and I sometimes feel as though I'm in the way because of using a cane, I still enjoyed it.

Door Opening Number Three from God.....You will have to return for that one. The story continues. :-)

In the meantime, if you have Facebook, check out Community Harvest Food Pantry Morton, Illinois.

The Pursuit of.....

So I've had some interesting man conversations over the past few weeks. Let's start with man #--well I've lost count.

 

So I ruh into this seemingly nice man online who happens to be from my town. We chat for a couple of days and then decide, "yeah, lets meet for coffee" We are both pleasant enough to look at and he assures me he has all his teeth. So then the day before we are going to meet he says to me, "it doesn't bother you that I'm married?" My jaw dropped open and then I began to laugh. I said back to him, "yes it does bother me, you should have told me sooner, nice knowing you."  Another one bites the dust.

 

On to the next one.....another online meeting. Once again with a guy from my own town. This one may take a little longer to talk about. Maybe I can sum it up quickly. This is a Christian man who wants nothing to do with organized religion because he used to be a deacon and once had to fire a pastor. So? As my former pastor would have said, "build a bridge and get over it." I told him that it is important for me to date a man who is a church goer. I don't compromise my morals and principals for the sake of a date. So then we talk about our health issues. I'll accept his, he accepts mine. However, EVERY conversation he has to talk about how much he likes to kiss and cuddle and snuggle and give back rubs and foot massages and when are we going out for coffee, when are you coming over to play Scrabble and more talk about kissing and holding hands and blah blah blah. Hey I'm sure I like to kiss and snuggle as much as the next person but come on. It's such a turn off to me when a Christian man talks about physical stuff. Especially when he talks about it ALL THE TIME. If I were sitting across the table from him the only thing I would be thinking of is he is probably imagining giving me a foot massage and cuddling with me on the couch. No thank you. I'm not a prude, I'm just not giving my cuddles away to just anyone.

 

So here are two more cases that I can report on in my book, "The Joy of Singleness" :-)

 

I just want a nice Christian man who will go to church with me, open my car door, take my arm as we walk, who has a job, who likes cats,  baseball, movies, dining out, and having nice, wholesome conversation. And it would help if he was good looking too! LOL

The Time Has Come

OK, it happened again. This time it was the last straw. Or maybe next to the last. For several years now I have known of something the good Lord wants me to do. I've tried to do it, but never quite made it. This time I am determined. What the heck is she talking about you ask? Well I'll tell you.

First of all let me say I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with couples. What I have problems with is how couples treat singles. I have spent most of my adult life watching couples go out together after church to dine out. I can count on one hand how many times I have been included. I know, it's just their nature to go and do together. But I have observed I'm not the only single person this happens to. Of course I'm not singled out. But maybe I'm the only one who it bothers. ?

There are other things besides dining out that couples neglect to include us singles in. Trips, movies, Bible studies, Sunday School, retreats, sitting next to us in church. For me the one thing that bugs me the most though is the after church meals. A few weeks ago while I stood talking to someone, their group was trying to decide where to go for lunch. I was told, "one day we'll take you somewhere to eat". HELLO? How about today, I like to eat every day.

I have decided lately that I am going to take those things that make me mad and sad and turn them around.

It is to every one's benefit to include us single people in their activities. Then again, do we single people want to be with all these couples?

I'm tired of not being included in 'mom groups' too. Everyone has a group.

I'm an unmarried, non parent and I want my own group. I want those couples to run into us singles at a restaurant and see how fun we can be. I want them to know we have as much to offer as they do. And we like to eat too.

And when I get my singles ministry up and running, we are going to include couples in some of our activities......some. :-)

I think I'll start a "take a single person out to eat" day.

Definition of single......unmarried, uncoupled, children welcomed....simple as that.

It Suddenly Dawned on Me

Have you ever had an epiphany? Sure you have. I had one this morning. I woke up, yawned, stretched and then laid there quietly for a moment and it suddenly dawned on me why I'm where I am in life. Well, one reason that is.

I got up, got my cup of coffee and got on that ever popular website called Facebook. Two big pictures popped up right in front of my eyes to actually confirm my earlier epiphany.

God has been faithful. He has answered my prayers time and time again. And He has even done things for me without my asking. Now that's the kind of man to have around!

But I noticed when I started to get my mind off myself and started praying more for others, I started to be blessed even more. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful friends, old and new, have been to me.

However, there have been people who have greatly disappointed me too. So what did I used to do when disappointments hit me? Cry, moan, gripe, slam things down. I have to admit sometimes I still do some of that. But actually now I pray for whomever has disappointed me. It actually makes me feel better than moaning and groaning. Gotta admit I still cry though.

So, here I am, where I am. I can't get out and go and do on my own like I used to. Not yet. But I can stay at home and pray. So as you go about your day, your life, just remember there is someone praying for you that you may not know all that well. Or someone you do know. Scary thought? Nah, just be thankful.

The Lord is up to something.

Galations 6:9