Build a Bridge and Get Over It

I have come to the correct conclusion that those of us who don't really know God at all are the ones that can't find anything to be cheery about. First of all God has our names written on the palm of his hand. He knows the number of hairs on our head, He knew us before we were even born and for crying out loud He sent his only son to die for us that we may have life, abundant life. And here we are, woe is me, my job stinks, my life stinks, no one cares yadda yadda yadda. If only we knew how wrong we are. We have roofs over our heads, food on the table, our children lack nothing, and for crying out loud Jesus hung on the cross for us. What more do you want? My church has a food pantry and every Saturday morning we serve hundreds. We have page after page of prayer requests for these people, they have no jobs, no two story, three bedroom homes, they have rotten health situations, they have abuse in their lives and yet they trust and believe that our prayers can make a difference. You know, ten years ago I almost died and I wouldn't be here today if it were not for the prayers of my church family. Am I where I want to be in life? Not yet, am I complaining about it? Not usually, most of the time I'm trusting God for that abundant life He has promised. It's all about attitude. 'Be of good cheer'....and thou shall not whine. Don't like your circumstances? Do something to change them. Whining gets you no where. There, I said it. Now I shall move on!

My trip

How wonderful it is to have people in my life that bless me. After a hard year 'friendship' wise, I was reminded this week of how people in our every day lives can be such a blessing. I had such a wonderful day yesterday, on my own in Naperville and Wheaton. While my friend was at her conference I once again wondered around the city. After checking out of the hotel at eleven, I found the huge Border's and spent over an hour there. I read, I wrote. I left my laptop at home and was glad I did. I knew where I was going to have lunch, same place I always do, The Corner Bakery. However this time I wasn't satisfied with my food and about two hours later I found myself in a Mexican Cantina eating a couple of tacos! I found my faveorite thrift store, "The Wise Penny" and bought a few things including yet another cookbook!! I even found an antique store and had a visit with the owner, we talked about old aprons. When friends treat you as though you are family, and hand over their car keys to you and say, "have fun"....you know you are truly blessed and have no room to complain about anything. It really is the nicest birthday present I have ever had, and I've had it for three years now! :-) The Lord really does have our best interests at heart.

I just knew it!

For the past few years at this time, I've been going to Wheaton with my friend. She attends a writers conference and I paint the town red while she is there. Being on my own, in a city with things to do is the best birthday present I could ever have. I just love the freedom. This year we were pretty sure we were going to be able to go but we weren't sure if we could stay over night this time. Money is tight these days as we all know. But deep down inside I pretty much knew it was going to happen. I prayed. I told the Lord, you know we just need to be able to stay overnight so we can be fresh as a daisy the next morning for the conference. I asked Him to just provide the way for us to stay overnight and on faith, I started to pack my bag. And sure enough, last night I got the call confirming we could stay overnight. The Lord is good to his daughters! ( and his sons too )

All I Can Do Is Laugh

At this point, laughter is still the best medicine. I contacted a friend of mine a week or so ago and she got back to me telling me she would love to get together sometime. I told her where I am almost every Saturday moring, she's more than welcome to join me ( she's familiar with the place). We haven't seen each other in awhile and her presence and encouragement would be great. She got back to me and said, 'and maybe ____ could come to, I miss you both'. No, no no. People don't you get it? Ok, so it would be nice if it was the three of us but in my state of mind and heart at this point, that was just another blow. I'm not good enough to mingle with on my own. Oh yeah, I hear you, I know that's not the truth, but it sure feels like it. I choose to laugh though, makes it easier. LOL

What's Wrong With Me?

It's happened yet again. I wondered why I hadn't heard from someone I know since January. We made plans to go see a movie some time, or grab a bite to eat. I called a few times, e-mailed a few times and got nothing in return. Just heard from her, she's been dating a great guy blah blah blah.

What gives??? So you're dating a great guy, have you lost the ability to dial a phone or type a quick email? What ever happened to manners? Don't they know I'M supposed to be dating someone great too?

I really sometimes think something is wrong with me.

Thursday Ramblings

After a day of rain and a night of storms, it's a beautiful crisp morning. I set here at CJ's listening to a group of women talk and laugh. Though I love being alone, I secretly wish the people I knew weren't so busy with their lives and could join me now and then. I get tired of the "to busy" excuses and remember what my mom used to say, "we've all got the same amount of time in a day, what are you doing with yours". I really don't want to be back in my shell. But a person just gets to the point where she stops caring about stuff.

I came down here to watch the latest Kim Clement and it wont load!!! Ugh! Guess I'll just have to come back on Saturday morning, or tomorrow. Got a free coffee coming. Woohoo!

Not So Captivating

Who am I kidding, my life is not captivating. Has it ever been? Last night as I was falling asleep I confessed to my cat who was laying on me that I don't seem to matter to anyone. My sister calls every day and totally has hardly anything to say on the phone. That's about it. My other sister wouldn't call for anything. She sleeps till almost noon and doesn't go anywhere for some excuse or another. If it weren't for Debbi and the kids, the only contact with humans I would have would be the checkout people at the stores. I have tried, especially in the last year, to get together with people now and then. We set up a date and then something comes up or they change their mind. I am questioning my significance in this world. I know who I am in Christ, but sometimes it would just be nice to have a human to relate to. You know what I mean.

It has been a year since the fallout of my former friend. I continue to see her at church with her new friend, holding hands, smooching, doing things together. I don't care what people say, it still hurts. You can forgive, but you never forget.

Tired of wallowing in any self pity, I try and move forward. I try and get involved in other things, but nothing seems to be working. I know it's hard to get to know me because I'm so quiet, I appear to be standoffish. Just remember, appearances are deceiving.

Enough for now